Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
