Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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