I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Send help, water and tortillas.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
