my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
