I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
