He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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