hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
