you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
