It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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