It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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