Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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