Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
