haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
