Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
