i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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