I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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