The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
