Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize