I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
