K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
