Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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