just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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