Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
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Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
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I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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