you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
