I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
