he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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