I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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