he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
