The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
