Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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