haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
