Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
