I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
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I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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