I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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