I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
