Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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