He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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