when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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