Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
