The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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