we'll go far in life on tits alone.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
