If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Found the puke drawer
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
