): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
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Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
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So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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