So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just google imaged poop.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
