well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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