just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Everything about him screamed your future.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
