Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
