If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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