I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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