spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
