He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
