life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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