i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
