So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
