'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
