Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
