I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
