sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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