He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
