see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
