got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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