I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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