He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
