I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize