as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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