i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
