What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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