So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
